Shepherd, Ed, Langsax
by Vissarion
Summary: The Eds have been taken to the Old Country by Rolf, who was crowned as the new Toyuyek, the ruler of his nation. The Eds become Rolf's companions as Rolf travels to his destiny. At first, things are all good in the strange lands. But it all goes to trouble when a new threat arises. Can Rolf with the help of the Eds stop the menace?
1. Beginning

"Get a move on it, sockhead! We ain't got all day!"

"I am handling this task with my upmost effort, Eddy! Do you not grasp the concept of patience?!"

Eddy grumbled and looked at his (homemade) watch. The tiny figure of himself on the watch's face pointed his arms nearly towards the top. It was almost noon. The scam-of-the-day today was a haunted house, which used Eddy's own home as a template. His other friends were unable to use theirs due to either cleanliness or trouble with a certain baby sister.

The boy known as sockhead was nicknamed for his iconic black sock on his head. His real name is Eddward, although everyone but his parents call him by his other nickname Double-D. Double-D slowly climbed up the ladder, trembling the whole way through. The first step of the scam: decorate the outside of the house starting with the roof. But like all of their scams, something went wrong.

"Eddy, I'm afraid this ladder is far too unstable! HELP! Gahhhh!"

The ladder began to wobble in a dangerous fashion, at one point nearly tipping over. Fortunately for him, the ladder stopped shaking and stood still. The boy with the sock wiped his forehead and let out a sigh of relief. His troubles were not yet over, however.

"What is that, I hear? A citizen screaming for help? Fear not, for Ed has come to save you!"

A tall boy sporting a unibrow and an oversized green jacket charged towards the ladder. Ed was the third member of Eddy's "Ultimate Scamming Corporation". He was a foil to Double-D's intelligence and weakness, having the brain of a rock and the strength of titanium. Although sometimes, Ed would be a liability to their plans.

"Ed, you idiot! Wait!" Eddy said, attempting to stop the beast. But it was too late. Ed crashed right into the ladder and broke off its entire bottom end. The ladder stayed midair for a bit, before leaning over backwards towards the backyard.

"Good lord! Noooooo!" Double-D yelled. He lost his grip on the ladder's rungs. His life began to flash before his eyes. Double-D closed his eyes, waiting for his inevitable demise. He had been closing his eyes for a while, and nothing happened. Eddward finally opened them. He was actually sitting on the ground without any injury. His fall was cushioned by something soft on the ground. The cushion was Eddy.

A pinkish hand shot up from under Edd's back, grabbed his shirt, and threw him off. Eddy got up with a tint of red on his face. He looked back at his scam-in-progress, which was now completely ruined. A cardboard figure of a ghost floated to Eddy's side and landed. Eddy turned to Ed and growled. Ed had made a hole in Eddy's wall from the momentum. Ed was leaning next to the hole reading this week's edition of "Gravy Illustrated."

"You idiot! You ruined everything! Once I get my hands on you...!"

"Mornin', skipper! Woke up on the wrong side of the bed?"

Eddy sprinted towards Ed with his arms raised. "Eddy, your face is red like that Gargantuan Mutant from _Intergalactic Space Pasta_!" Ed exclaimed. Ed got up and laughed wildly while running around the backyard. It was a wild goose chase with the two boys running in circles. Double-D sighed to himself and dusted off his shirt. "It always has to be the same gimmick every day. I just wish we could perhaps do something different for a change," he said to no one in particular.

The chase quickly ended when Eddy, just as he was almost caught up to Ed, bumped hard into a tall figure. "Oof!" he cried. He landed on his back with a thud. Eddy rubbed his forehead and looked upwards to see a tall boy with strange blue hair.

"Ho, ho, greedy Ed-boy! Rolf admires your appreciation of the son-of-the-shepherd's ears!"

It was the local foreigner of Peach Creek, Rolf. With an accent as deep as a sea trench, Rolf was what most neighborhood kids considered weird, including the Eds. Rolf stood at the fenced entrance of Eddy's backyard and was holding a squirming catfish. His trusty pig Wilfred was sniffing a fallen cardboard pumpkin by Rolf's side.

"Why, hello there, Rolf. What brings you here?" Double-D asked.

Eddy walked up and put his arm on Rolf's shoulder. He tried his best inconspicuous tone. "Uhh, we aren't doing anything, Rolfy boy. We're just uhh... testing out Ed's gravy comics?"

Ed jumped onto Eddy's back without warning. "Did someone say gravy?" Ed asked excitedly. Eddy grunted and attempted to push the heavyweight away. They were both interrupted by Rolf again when he suddenly slapped the two with his catfish, turning their faces into a slithery, shiny mess.

"Today is Rolf's, Ed-boys! You know me now as Toyuyek! Nana has already prepared for the journey! Glorious, yes?" Rolf seemed to be in quite a good mood.

"So?" Eddy said, rubbing his stinging face. Ed put his finger on the fish's slime and smelled it.

"The candle burns bright when the gerbil has been shaved and the radish boils at midnight!"

"Say what?"

Double-D cleared his throat and stepped in front of the two other Eds. He breathed in, and prepared to speak.

"Rolf, what exactly are you talking about?"

Rolf didn't reply. Rolf eyed the three boys in front of them closely. Awkward seconds were passed. Finally, Rolf held up his catfish and opened his mouth wide. He dropped the fish right into his mouth without hesitation. Rolf gulped and swallowed it whole. Eddy and Edd stood there shocked, while Ed clapped, saying: "Too cool!"

"Rolf sees you are not educated. Come, Ed-boys. Rolf shall show you the ways of the Old Country, yes?" Rolf said. The three Eds found themselves tied up by sausage links and hoisted onto Wilfred's back. "Hee-yah!" The pig squealed and ran off with Rolf following close behind. The Eds screamed as they bumped up and down from Wilfred's speed.

Wilfred approached Rolf's house, but instead of waiting for his owner, he crashed through Rolf's house's front door and slid on the slippery floor. "AHHH!" the Eds screamed in unison as they fell off of Wilfred's back. They slid until they hit a wall. The wall tore up like tissue paper upon contact. The trio looked and saw that they were in a dark room.

"Hey, who turned out the lights?" Eddy said.

The only light source they had was from the hole they had created. Double-D cringed at the sight of the ruined home furnishings. He grumbled to himself, "Messy, messy, messy..." Rolf's head poked through the hole, though he did not seem to be bothered by the literal hole-in-the-wall. Rolf said nothing, and he walked in holding a lit oil lamp. He was dressed in a different garb, this time that of a shepherd warrior.

"Only those who are wise enough can direct their sight towards this." Rolf's tone sounded ominous. Eddy and Double-D shot each other concerned glances, and again, Ed just played along. Rolf held up the lamp to a nearby wall, revealing it to be a large bookcase. The lamp helped illuminate the rest of the room. There was a raggedy leather chair in the corner, which had its skin peeling off and a few springs exposed.

"Ooh! Ooh! I know! You're supposed to take out a book and something secret happens!" Ed exclaimed. Rolf screamed no, but Ed already ran up and tore out books from the bookshelf quite violently. Edd was horrified: "Ed! How could you! Those could've been priceless literary works from the past!"

"Did you just say priceless?" Eddy asked. He laughed maniacally and started grabbing the books scattered around the ground. He was cut short by Rolf slapping him. "ED-BOY!" Double-D sidestepped to Eddy and formed his hands into a pleading gesture. "Please, Rolf, I apologize for my friend's foul behavior! He was being quite selfish, I know." Eddy whispered an angry _What?! _to Double-D, but Double-D gently elbowed him and audibly cleared his throat.

"Need not worry, sock-as-hat Ed-boy. Rolf does not need concern about the books," Rolf said, "Toyuyek concerns about this!" Rolf held up an old-looking scroll. He let loose of the scroll and it rolled down to reveal ancient writing.

Out of instinct, Double-D pulled out his magnifying glass and examined the scroll. Rolf grabbed the magnifier and threw it onto the ground, smashing. "What, no, Rolf, I, erm..." Double-D sighed, "I guess I had that one coming." Ed, who had already depleted the bookshelf, drew his interest towards the scroll. "This looks like the Scroll of Pancakes from the 53rd edition of Lord Jim!"

Rolf pointed his stubby figure at a particular picture on the scroll. "Do your eyes feast upon this very image, Ed-boys?" The Eds nodded. Eddy was getting impatient. Rolf added, "In a time long ago, there was one shepherd. He was the possessor of three goats, yes? The merchant of greed spotted the goats, and..."

"Cut to the chase already! Where's the ancient treasure?" Eddy rudely interrupted.

Rolf smiled a big smile. Eddy became confused as to why. Rolf spoke again. "Today is the day that Rolf becomes the Toyuyek. Rolf shall become the great counsellor to the Old Country! In legend, the Toyuyek must bring three servants who shall be guardians of Yeshmiyek." Rolf paused. He then said, "The servants shall be those who live near the Toyuyek!"

Eddy's eyes became filled with fear. He knew something was going to involve them. Double-D, on the other hand, was ecstatic. "How exciting! I have always aspired to be an international traveler! It is such a wonderful opportunity to experience foreign cultures!" Eddy started screaming, "No way in heck am I going with Rolf!" Eddy began to make a run for it. Eddy tried to get to the front door, but saw Rolf somehow blocking it. Before he knew it, Rolf threw a boomerang made of haggis at Eddy and knocked him down. The boomerang came back to Rolf. Eddy opened his eyes and saw the haggis weapon fly again behind him. It hooked a bundle of salted cauliflower and an accordion and returned back.

Eddy's vision started to fade. The last thing he heard was Rolf beginning to sing the lyrics of the Tribute to Yeshmiyek. But what truly caused him to go out cold was the sight of Ed horrifically dancing to it.


	2. Packing Up

"There we go! At last, completion!" Double-D neatly folded his seventh sock-hat into his luggage. He wiped the sweat off his forehead and let out a _phew _before he stood up and stared at what he was going to pack up for the trip to the Old Country. They were to meet Rolf at the oddly specific time of 9:37 PM.

Although Double-D's bedroom was pretty large, the nine bags and cases of assorted luggage took up much space. "You have really outdone yourself, Eddward!" Double-D congratulated to himself. He checked his digital watch to make sure he was on schedule. The pixelated number changed to 9:35.

Double-D picked up his huge checklist of supplies which was already rolled up. He let loose of the string that held it tight, and the paper was let loose like a red carpet in front of the Oriental Theatre during a movie. The paper did not seem to cease as it continued to roll all the way towards the door, down the stairs, into the living room, and somehow wound up in the sink.

Double-D followed the paper trail while holding a local map of the Old Country, given to him by Rolf. Apparently, the Old Country is so mysterious and unknown that no one can find it on the world map; not even a GPS or satellite imagery can find it, although it is known to be somewhere in Europe. Double-D was deeply troubled by this fact and even attempted to do some research of it himself, but to no avail.

Double-D accidentally slipped on the list and fell down. His unbalanced foot pulled the list upwards. The list floated down onto Double-D's head. "Ow... check."

Meanwhile at Ed's house, Ed stood in his basement, puzzled at what he was supposed to do. An imaginary lightbulb went off above his head, though it flickered and cracked. Ed ran over to his mattress and picked it up with ferocious might and then tossed it to the side. Immediately, a bunch of seagulls came flying out. "Penelope! Mister! Take good care of Dickens for me!" The birds did not listen, and instead, they flew to Ed's sofa and pecked at pieces of moldy bread.

Ed turned his attention back towards the underside of his bed. It wasn't just a television remote or some lint under his raggedy bed. It was the stuff of nightmares. There was a large hole in the floor with visible green fumes spewing out. Ed did not feel nauseous at the slightest. He of course reached his arm inside.

Ed picked up several random items, including a rusty battery, a meat grinder, and a ladle with gravy pudding. He tried to walk upstairs, but his arms were carrying a huge pile that probably weighed more than 50 pounds. Nonetheless, Ed marched up. The stairs creaked under the bearing weight. The pile in Ed's grasp was beginning to deplete as objects shook and tumbled off.

By the time he was out of the basement, there was only a tissue box of gravy in his right hand and a piece of buttered toast in his left. Of course, at that moment, Ed suddenly felt hungry again. His stomach rumbled. The food once in his hands were now in his mouth. Ed swallowed with a smile.

Ed walked out into his front lawn and was greeted by Double-D, who was panting and sweating. Next to Double-D was a cart of luggage. Double-D shot a confused look at the bare Ed.

"Ed," Double-D said, "are you sure that this all that you are bringing?"

Ed saluted and said, "Aye, sir!"

"Ed, I thought I reminded you to bring only your basic necessities! How could you possibly endure in such conditions without the most practical items such as a toothbrush?" Double-D said in a scolding tone.

Ed pulled out a gravy apple from his coat and started munching on it. Double-D sighed.

"Where's Eddy?" Double-D asked, looking around.

"Beats me!"

"He is probably already there. Come, shall we?"

Eventually, the two Eds made it to the meeting point at Rolf's shed. They opened the door only to find that no one was inside. "This cannot be! It _is_ 9:37, correct? How is it that neither Eddy nor Rolf are present?" Ed just shrugged.

"I guess we may just have to wait for the others," said Double-D. He placed his luggage leaning against the back wall. Ed happily jumped into a pile of hay sitting in the corner. Double-D turned around and gasped in horror at the door still left open. Double-D pushed the door closed out of habit. The door burst open a second later, knocking the surprised sockhead back into the wall. Standing at the opening was Rolf with a large sack slung over his shoulder.

"Good greetings, Ed-boys! Rolf has collected the stubby three-haired one, yes?"

Double-D rubbed his head. "That's great, Rolf." But then he gasped. He ignored Rolf and stared around himself at his now-ruined luggage. His packed clothing (which were just sets of his hat, shirt, shorts, and jacket) were strewn about on the ground. He screamed, "NOOOOO!" In the midst of Double-D's screaming, Ed emerged from the hay. He greeted Rolf and said, "Hiya, Rolf!" Ed picked his ear and pulled out a piece of hay.

Rolf dropped the bag he was carrying. The contents of the bag spilled out, and it turned out that it was Eddy that Rolf was carrying. Eddy appeared to be sleeping. He was woken up by Ed bear-hugging him.

"No, mommy! I don't wanna apologise! Don't get the Chunky Puffs again! NO!" Eddy said, eyes still shut.

Eddy snapped out of his dream and opened his eyes. Everyone was staring at him, especially Ed, who happened to be breathing on him. Eddy slapped Ed and broke free of his grip.

"What the?! Where the heck am I!?" Eddy looked and saw the farming tools hung on the wall.

"Rolf! Let me outta here! You kidnapped me, didn't you?!" Eddy said.

"Nonsense, Ed-boy! This night is the night we shall depart!" Rolf replied.

Eddy ran and attempted to sidestep Rolf to get through, but he tripped on Wilfred, who was waiting outside. The pig squealed and stepped on Eddy's face, leaving a red hoof-shaped mark.

"You show enthusiasm, Ed-boy! Like Victor when he hungers for salted seaweed! Come, then. We must follow the path!"

"Wait!" cried Double-D, "I must still organize my scattered belongings!" He desperately tried to pick up his fallen wardrobe until Ed suddenly picked up Double-D by the foot and hung him in the air. "Ed! What do you think you're doi-" Ed shushed Double-D and said, "Nuh-uh, Eddward! Playtime is over!" He dragged him outside, leaving the heaps of baggage behind.

The four boys and Wilfred, led by Rolf, walked back to the sidewalk. Ed hopped up and down whereas Double-D and Eddy drifted behind, both in a bad mood for their own reasons. Eventually, they come across a large wooden cart parked on Rethink Avenue. It had various objects in the back, including a mysterious wooden chest.

"Rolf," Double-D said, "isn't this parking illegal? This wooden cart is clearly an unregulated method of transport! We don't want to be on the wrong side of the authorities, now do we?"

Rolf did not respond. Instead, he grabbed Double-D and threw him onto the cart. He also threw Eddy, despite his protests, onto the cart as well. Ed jumped onto it on his own.

Rolf climbed onto the back and took the wooden chest. He held it out to the Eds, who were lying in a pile on top of a bunch of objects. "Ed-boys. You must know what lies inside this wood!"

Eddy raised his head and said mockingly, "Yeah, Rolf. It would be _so important _to know what's inside."

Rolf did not detect the sarcasm. But he did slap Eddy for interrupting his talking. Rolf slowly opened the box to reveal a short, rusty sword embedded inside a velvet cushion (which was moldy and falling apart). The sword had a handle coloured deep green and designed to resemble a fish's scales. Some of the handle's "skin" was tearing apart. The blade was curved and carved on it were what appeared to be drawings, though they were too faded away to know what they depicted. The top of the blade was more rounded and had a hole in the center, while there was a slight gap on the edge. The blade was meant to resemble a fish.

Double-D Rose out of nowhere and gaped at the sword. "My knowledge of ancient weaponry may be rusty," Double-D said, "but that appears to be an antique langsax!"

"A long what?" Eddy asked.

"No, Eddy, a _langsax_."

Rolf cleared his throat and pointed at the difficultly-named sword. "This, Ed-boys," Rolf announced, "is the Langsax of the First Shepherd. Only the chosen can wield it!"

Rolf opened his mouth, prepared to speak some more, but stopped. He pulled out an hourglass from his pocket and watched the grains of sand fall. "We must go! Time is needed!" he yelled. Rolf jumped into the driver's seat and pulled the harness. "Hee-yah!" The cart, which was actually controlled by Wilfred, bolted forward.

Soon enough, the Gang was on the highway and on the way to Downtown Peach Creek and thus Peach Creek International Airport. Ed started to squirm.

"What is it, Ed?" asked Double-D.

"Guys, I need to use the bathroom!


	3. Troubles

The gang traveled at breakneck speed along the interstate. They were already past the downtown Peach Creek area and were on their way to the airport. It was almost midnight yet they still had a longs way to go. Two of the boys felt especially sleepy during the trip.

Double-D slept in the back while Eddy slept on top of him, his foot on top of Double-D's forehead. Ed was sticking out from the side of the carriage with his mouth wide open and his tongue flowing against the momentum, like some kind of terrifying dog.

The gang was no match for the hustle and bustle of the city, unfortunately. They had gained much unwanted attention during the journey.

Almost immediately, the sounds of sirens were blared into their ears. Rolf squinted his eyes in suspicion and looked into his rear-view mirror - which happened to be just a conventional handheld mirror duck-taped to the side - and saw a patrol vehicle speeding towards them.

"Wilfred, cease your movements!" Rolf ordered. Wilfred came to a sliding halt and swerved to the side of the highway right under a streetlight. It illuminated the entire scene. The police cruiser parked behind them and a chubby officer with sunglasses and a donut stepped out moments later. He marched to the carriage and looked up at an annoyed Rolf.

"Sir, I need to see your license. 'Fraid you'll need proper authorization to drive unregulated vehicles," said the man in blue while nipping at a sprinkle.

"Son of a gun! Must Rolf have to stop at every turn?!" Rolf cursed quite loudly.

Rolf sticked his hand into his shirt and started rummaging through it. Meanwhile, the whole commotion had woken Double-D and Eddy. Eddy got up, yawned, and rubbed his eyes. "Is it daytime already?" said the drowsy Eddy. His expression quickly turned to fear. Eddy froze as soon as he saw blue and red lights. Double-D was about to get up, but Eddy pushed him down. They were both ducked behind a crate of wooden ducks.

"Eddy, what is the meaning of this?" asked Double-D.

"Shut up, sockhead!" hissed Eddy, "We got some flatfeet on our tail!"

"Excuse me?!"

Upon realizing Ed would draw attention, Eddy grabbed Ed's leg and pulled him down. "You too, lumpy." It didn't take very long for Double-D to figure out what was happening. He saw the blue and red reflected off of the supplies around him. "Are we are being apprehended by the authorities!?" said Double-D in a loud, surprised tone. Eddy placed his palm over the sockhead's mouth and shushed him. Eddy nodded yes while maintaining an annoyed look on his face.

Double-D gagged when Eddy's unwashed hand left his lips. He promptly grabbed a tissue from his pocket. Ed suddenly barged in on the conversation and said, "I remember! This is the start of the zombie apocalypse! The policeman is gonna arrest us and put us in his car and we drive on the road and the policeman talks to us and he accidentally hits a zombie on the road! And that's how it will go down!" The other Eds stared at him in silence while Ed just smiled.

Suddenly, the police officer screamed. The three Eds peeked overhead to find Rolf in a violent struggle with the cop. Rolf grabbed his arm and gave him a noogie. Then, he gave him a tight bear hug and somersaulted to slam him onto the ground. The officer smashed into the concrete and lost consciousness. His entire body was deep inside the smashed concrete with only his head exposed. Rolf brushed his hands off as if it were an everyday activity. The new Toyuyek hummed and boarded the driver's seat once again. Eddy sat there with his mouth open and Ed clapped. Double-D, however, was quite shocked.

"Rolf!" shouted Double-D, "What in Sam Hill is wrong with you!? Do you realize what you've done?!" Double-D grabbed Rolf's shirt and looked him in the eyes. Rolf simply laughed a hearty laugh and wrapped his arm around Double-D's shoulder. "Nothing to fear, Double-D Ed-boy. Rolf knew that I would succeed, yes? In the Old Country, if the town guard gives one a silly paper morsel, then it shall be a duel!" Double-D raised his voice again and said, "ROLF! You have just committed an aggravated assault on a police officer. We have just violated the strict codes set in the lawbook! We are now FUGITIVES! Fugitives, I say!" He then started bawling. Rolf ignored it all, however. He went right back to driving Wilfred.

"Hee-yah!"

Wilfred turned his attention away from the cop's donut and charged. The gang was once again on the trail. Unbeknownst to them, the cop regained consciousness as they drove off. He squirmed around even though his entire body below his neck was immobile. Eventually, he grabbed his radio nearby with his teeth. "Dispatch... we have an assault on an officer on uh... Interstate 3. Suspect is escaping on a brown wooden vehicle, over." The cop then went unconscious again.

"Increase your pace, Wilfred! Hee-yah!" ordered Rolf. Wilfred squealed and somehow they were going twice as fast. The sharp rise in speed jolted the unprepared Eds backwards, almost nearly sending Eddy flying off. "Geez, Rolf, you're gonna kill us!" shouted Eddy, dazed from the force.

Rolf turned his head around and glared at Eddy. "If Rolf were to kill you, I'd have done it many moons ago!" However, when Rolf took his eyes off the road, the carriage immediately swerved to the side and was about to crash into a barrier. "AHHH!" screamed the Eds. Rolf realized this indication and swiftly turned back to the front. He pulled tightly on the ropes. Wilfred tried to brake, but the force was too much. The carriage's wheel popped and caused sparks as they drifted.

The boys were launched off of the carriage upon impact of the barrier. Eddy was the first to be shot out: "Mommy!" Then came Double-D: "Oh dear!" Ed was next: "Gravy!" Then the last was Rolf: "Shaklava!" They all screamed. But miraculously, they only fell onto the roof of a nearby building. Eddy, however, crashed through a billboard on his way down. He had made a large hole in the teeth of a smiling boy with an **Antonucci-8000****® Electric Toothbrush **in his hand.

Rolf got up and screamed back at the highway. "Wilfred! Come to Rolf! Make usage of the road!" Wilfred did not fully understand Rolf and decided to jump to the roof they were on. The world seemed to be in slow motion for a bit. Wilfred, though he had the weight of a huge carriage behind him, managed to make the gap. Just barely.

Wilfred grabbed onto the ledge, but he was almost thrusted downwards from the carriage dragging him down. Rolf ran and grabbed Wilfred's hoof to help pull him up. But even Rolf couldn't muster the strength to save his pig. The three Eds looked at each other, and without saying a word, joined in on the tug-o-war. Eddy grabbed ahold of Rolf's shirt while Double-D and Ed grabbed his.

"Arr! Eef! Rolf cannot hold this for much longer!"

"C'mon, Rolfy boy! We can't lose all those goodies in there!"

"My hands are slipping like buttered toast fresh from the freezer!"

"Oh my! Curse my lack of upper body strength! Gah!"

Finally, with a final pull, the boys launched Wilfred upwards above them. Simultaneously, they all cheered. A small shadow appeared around Eddy and Ed, who were both dancing. Ed stopped and pointed to the air saying, "They need to fix the sky, Eddy." The carriage fell down on them and killed the festive mood.

"Eddy? Ed? Are you all right?" asked a worried Double-D. As if on cue, two pink hands emerged from under the wreckage. Eddy dragged himself out, though Ed was nowhere to be seen. Eddy gritted his teeth. "I can't believe it!" said Eddy, "All of that for nothing!" He waved his hands towards the broken carriage and kicked the ground. A muffled voice spoke out from under the carriage and said, "I'm okay!" Ed pulled himself out.

"Hmm. You are fast to give up, three-haired Ed-boy. Rolf needs not the burden of a wooden doohickey when Rolf has access to the three guardians of Yeshmiyek!" inquired Rolf.

And thus, with their vehicle gone, they were forced to carry the items upon their backs. Ed had no problem and instead stuffed all of his items inside his jacket. However, there was still one problem left. "Pardon me, Rolf," said Double-D, "But how do you suppose we get off the roof of this building?" Rolf placed his fingers on his chin.

Just then, the sounds of scraping metal filled the air. Ed waved towards the others and signaled them to come over. He had just found a staircase fire escape on the side of the building. It turned out this building was an apartment building.

Double-D said, "Bravo, Ed!" He looked past Ed and saw a peculiar building in the distance. It had an Art Deco architecture about it, with its curved roof and unsymmetrical proportions. What really made it stand out was the statue of Lord Kanker in front of it. "Gentlemen, look!" The boys gathered around at the edge of the roof and stared at the distant building.

It was the Peach Creek International Airport.


	4. Airplane!

Rolf hummed a simple tune as he marched closer towards the airport. Night had already fallen, and only the glow of the city shined upon them. Behind him were the Eds and Wilfred. Each of them were carrying a heavy load on their backs; they walked at a much slower pace than the blue-haired boy leading them onwards. They walked along the quiet streets of downtown at night.

Ed, on the other hand, was oblivious to the tremendous weight heaved upon him. He beamed curiously at the cityscape glowing so heavenly in the horizon. He gasped and poked at Eddy, who growled in return.

"Quit it, lumpy!" he scolded.

"But Eddy," replied Ed, "It is pretty like flowers about to be stomped on a Sunday morning!"

"How about you shut up and talk to Double-D."

Ed turned around to see a figure in the distance. Double-D was way behind the others, about several feet from Eddy. He was obviously faring worse than the rest. Double-D let out a distinctive gasp. His shaking feet made two steps, stopped for about four seconds, then made two steps again. Finally, the sockhead's morale started to dwindle.

"Goodness, Rolf! The weight of these supplies is far too heavy for my slim frame! How much further of a distance do we have to cover to reach the airport?" he shouted out.

"Not much more, missing-tooth Ed-boy. We must carry on, yes? Rolf's Great Nano had slain a rampaging sausage machine, and this journey is nowhere near that feat!"

"For Pete's sake, Rolf!" interrupted Eddy, "Why didn't you hire a STINKIN' taxi?! We coulda gotten there faster if you spared some greens!"

"Rolf overestimates the thinking prowess of the three-haired Ed-boy," replied Rolf in an annoyed tone, "We do not possess the... how you say? Dough? Rolf's family cannot lend any money, for the Toyuyek must work for gains, no matter the age. _You_ possess currency, yes?"

Rolf did not give Eddy time to respond. He loudly stated, "NO! Now you step into the trousers of Rolf, whining Ed-boy. In the Old Country, it was not so willy-dilly or good-for-nothing as here! Labor makes money like the shoe polisher makes rotten celery salad! Proceed and do not babble to Rolf like a crybaby!"

Rolf's lesson to Eddy silenced him pretty quickly. Eddy cursed under his breath and yet still struggled to move with the supplies on him. During the conversation, Rolf had inadvertently led the group to patches of grass away from the city sidewalk. In fact, they were far from any pavement.

Rolf bumped into an inconveniently placed metal fence, leaving some diamond-shaped markings on his face. He growled, raised his pitchfork, and prepared to fend off an ambush. Then, he realised the error (or rather, this country's error). "This steel fence brings anger to Rolf! Is the might of tree and wood not accepted in these lands!?"

"Ha ha ha! That was gold, I tell ya! Do it again, Cleese!" said Eddy, dying of laughter. This metaphor would soon become literal. Rolf was not as amused as Eddy. Rolf turned around in to face Eddy. His anger had already been suppressed, but now, Rolf would unleash it.

"Discipline is something you cannot understand, Ed-boy?" said Rolf in a sarcastic voice. Rolf rolled up his sleeves and stomped over to give Eddy the beating of his life. "Wait! Rolf! It was just a joke, Stretch! Honest!" confessed a fearful Eddy. Rolf grabbed Eddy's shirt and was about to deliver him a taste of the Old Country when they were interrupted by a huge booming noise.

"Space outlaws have begun their ambush. I knew this would happen," said Ed in a surprisingly calm tone.

"Silly Ed," corrected Double-D, "You are simply witnessing one of the greatest feats of modern engineering. Flight!"

Double-D proudly gestured his hands upwards. On cue, a large commercial airplane flew above them. Since it was dusk, the plane shimmered with a beautiful display of yellow and white lights on its body with a couple of blinking red ones on the wings. It roared a deafening noise and started to descend. Wilfred squealed and ran around in circles when the sound tormented his porky ears. In the distance, the plane finally made contact with the ground and came to a stop. Ed had been leaning on the fence the entire time, staring with delight. When the plane did land, Ed cheered like a fan rooting for his winning baseball team and pulled a foam finger out of nowhere. Rolf too had been calmed by the sight of the metallic winged beast (as he would call it).

They had made it to the airport.

* * *

><p>The four stepped into the terminal. Wilfred had to be left behind since animals weren't allowed into the building. The pig was left to cause his own havoc in which he ran around the pickup area and caused many arriving taxis to crash and burn. The chaos outside did not seem to trouble to the boys as they went looking for their designated airliner.<p>

Although it was night, the airport was packed. Luggage came and went. Eddy's short stature meant that luggage was constantly bumping into him.

"Hmm. Old Country Airlines, yes? Come, guardians. The path is this way!" Rolf said.

"I must say that that is an odd name for an airliner. Oh, curse this author's lack of imaginative names," noted Double-D.

"Biscuits and rigatoni, Double-D. Waste time we shall not!" yelled out Ed.

They had taken two of the luggage carts near the entrance, much to the relief of Eddy and Double-D. Ed obviously had the cart with heavier items. Ed ferociously pushed their cart and slammed it into the other two Eds. The cart's force was strong; Double-D and Eddy were knocked so high up into the air that they landed onto a suitcase stacked on top of the pile. "Vroom, vroom! All aboard!" said Ed, mimicking a loathed bus driver.

But Rolf was easily lost in the crowd. Ed suddenly found himself confused and unknowng of where to go. He thought, except he didn't think. Regardless, Ed continued to drive the cart throughout the terminal.

"Hey Ed," Eddy yelled downwards, "Where the heck's Rolf at?"

"Beats me, Eddy!" Ed shrugged his arms, but upon doing so, he lost his grip on the cart's handlebars. "Whoops." The two other Eds did not seem to notice they were on a runaway ride.

"No need to worry, gentlemen," said the oblivious Double-D, "It is quite possible for me to locate Rolf from this height. It's unlikely Rolf would've gotten far. He did mention an 'Old Country Airlines'. According to the signage around the area, we should be just about-"

The uncontrolled cart crashed into one of the dividers separating lines and queues. It had not hit the metal poles, but instead, the soft part in between them. It stopped the cart, but not the Eds on top. They rolled and tumbled until they hit a tall object, knocking it over. Double-D, driven by habits, got up first to rearrange the obect in its correct position. It was actually a sign, and it read "Øld Country Äirlines." Double-D excitedly pointed to it and said "There!"

"Hiya guys!"

Eddy and Double-D turned to their left to see Ed and Rolf, who were both walking towards them. Both had their carts in front of them. Ed was fast at recovering things. "Rolf sees that the Ed-boys prefer competitive races, hm? And for unworthy earnings as well!"

When they had approached the counter, the line was all but empty. It was overshadowed by the line next to it, which was the queue for PeachWings Airlines. It was full and stretched all the way to an unseen part of the terminal.

The counter itself looked particularly strange. It was covered by some fur of an unknown animal and reeked of a meaty odour. There was no one at the counter, either. There was a single brass bell tied to a rope hanging from the ceiling. Rolf did not hesitate to ring it. Almost immediately, a man rose from behind the counter, wearing normal dark blue airline attire (except for a badge depicting a ham impaled with a fork on his chest).

The man sported a bushy moustache, highly untypical of a worker for his job. His hair was deep blue, which greatly resembled Rolf's. "What you want!?" the man spat out in an accent even thicker than Rolf's Nana's beet stew. Rolf shouted back at him in a seemingly different language. The two went into a loud shouting conversation, gathering some raised eyebrows (and unibrow). Eventually, it settled since the two burst into great laughter. All the while, the Eds stood confused at the scene, even Ed. The man then saluted Rolf.

"You are fortunate youngsters," the man abruptly said to the Eds. Double-D and Eddy looked at each other with confused glances, but Ed replied back with a thank you. The man lifted the two carts each with his own arm. "The Old Country certainly breeds strength..." whispered Double-D in amazement.

He threw the carts down violently upon the conveyer belt nearby. He pushed a button to the side and barked into a mic. The conveyer belt started moving. But with careful observation, one could see a goat hidden in the back, running the conveyor like a treadmill.

Rolf dusted off his hands. "Now, we must go to Terminal 3, Gate 21, yes?"

Rolf motioned the Eds forwards to the security checkpoint. But much to everyone's disappointment, it was full of hundreds of people waiting in line. What made it worse was the televisions on the walls constantly repeating out loud the airport guidelines and prohibited items.

"Oh, dear," said Double-D. He sighed.

"Great. Now what?" Eddy said, clearly exasperated.

"The Toyuyek does not need this tomfoolery. In Rolf's country, cutting the line is a call to battle to prove your strength!" Rolf whistled and shouted, "YHOBCLOCK!"

A pig wearing a monkey suit and an airline stewardess' cap came to Rolf's side and dropped a mallet held in her mouth. Rolf patted her hat and sent her away. "Rolf shall use this in times of trouble." Double-D's mouth dropped wide open. "What in Sam Hill is wrong with you, man?! Have we stooped so low that we resort to violence for our own gains?!" Rolf laughed and said, "Nonsense! This doohickey is a charm of good luck! What did you suppose it was for, sockheaded Ed-boy? To stir the soup?"

The room they were in was divided with glass walls. On one side of the glass was the line, while on the other side was an airport security officer standing vigilant. The officer never left his position. He only moved when he noticed Rolf and the Eds rudely shoving people and cutting in line. Double-D held his hat over his face in shame and fear, while Eddy and Ed were laughing.

"Hey, you! Cutting in line is prohibited!" the officer warned.

"Ah, yes, Rol- uhh, I, was doing none of the sort. None at all! Thank you," replied Rolf, trying to feign innocence.

But the officer smelled something fishy. Quite literally, because Rolf carried anchovies in his pockets. Just earlier, the officer had received a report from the police scanner that there was a gang of foreigners roaming around Downtown Peach Creek. They had assaulted an officer. The law enforcement of Downtown Peach Creek had apparently never experienced a legitimate criminal on the loose. All the trouble usually happened in the suburbs. For that, the police was on high alert.

Rolf entirely matched the description the police had come up with: blue-haired, violent, and strange. This was their suspect. But they needed verification.

Rolf put his hands in his pockets to appear as normal as possible. Although, his appearance was quite awkward being dressed in his traditional Old Country garb. The boys walked into the checkpoint after having thrown the former next person in line aside. "Shoes, baggage, and jackets go into the box! Shoes and baggage and jackets in the box!" chanted a nearby security guard. The boys, one by one, tossed their shoes into a box. Ed sadly took off his jacket, but before he did, he kissed something in his pocket goodbye. "See ya, Sheldon... Junior."

Rolf went through the metal detector. It did not beep and stayed green. Then came Eddy. The detector buzzed.

"You gotta be kidding me!" exclaimed Eddy.

"Sir, please take off any metallic objects on your person and place them in the box," said a guard.

Eddy grouched and grumbled as he stepped over to place his pocket watch and fake coin (for flipping) into the box. When he stepped through, there was no buzz. Double-D stepped through, and obviously, it did not beep for him either. Ed was the odd one out and it buzzed like never before for him.

"Is it lunchtime?" asked a confused Ed.

"Sir, please take off-"

"But I did! See?" Ed held up his foot, which only had a sock to cover it. The guard gagged and pinched her nose. She refused to smell it anymore, so she sent Ed on his way.

The next step of security was manual checking. The others had already done it in just seconds, so Ed was the last. Ed stepped onto the platform. The guard came near Ed and waved his device, but it flashed red almost immediately. The guard silently approached Ed and felt him for anything, and he certainly did feel something liquid-y. He pulled his hand away and saw that it was covered in brown. Gravy.

"HEY! Paws off my gravy!"

The guard nearly threw up right there. Suddenly, the item checking machine started to jam. It turned out that Ed's jacket was so full of items that the machine couldn't handle it.

With that, the guards had no choice but to let Ed through. The rest of the line was getting angry, especially since they had been cut. "Ed, why'd it take like three years for you to get through?" asked an agitated Eddy. Ed did not respond and was inspecting Sheldon Jr. for any injuries. Double-D gasped and shuddered at the sight of the horrific cheese and decided to get away from it by catching up to Rolf, already on the move.

As Double-D and Rolf ascended up the escalator, he asked Rolf a question.

"Pardon me, Rolf," said Double-D, "What is the estimated time of arrival for our flight to the gate?"

"Rolf remembers it will arrive at 3:26. Does that answer your question, Ed-boy?"

"3:26?! AM!? That's approximately three hours away from now!"


	5. Potato Salad

Double-D and Eddy took a casual stroll in the area around their departure gate, the shorter Ed still in a fussy mood. Eddy said to the sockhead: "This is all your fault, sockhead!" And Double-D to him: "My fault? Oh, come now, Eddy. I'm not the person who determines the flight course and the exact time-of-arrival for the aircraft."

Eddy poked Double-D's nose in an accusing manner and harshly replied, "Yeah, well, we got three stupid hours to kill! What the heck are we supposed to do till then!? Play cards? Read books? Learn about Rolf's country!?" "Why, yes, Eddy," Double-D answered in a squeaky voice. Eddy raised his eyebrow as Double-D gently pushed Eddy's finger from his face. "I've taken the liberty of researching the Old Country in great depth. _Thanks_ to my work, we should be able to understand the culture, the history, and the arts!" said Double-D while rummaging through his backpack.

"Yawn," replied a bored Eddy. Double-D excitedly pulled from his bag a large book titled Life in the Old Country. "Behold!" he proudly exclaimed, "This encyclopedia covers all the basics concerning the lifestyle of those living in the foreign lands. Did you know that one of the main exports of the Old Country is the _Capra aegagrus hircus_?" Eddy was having none of it, as he ignored Double-D's ramblings and continued to walk in silence. "In the Neolithic Age, the humans inhabiting the lands we know today as the Old Country were one of the first in Europe to herd goats! Indeed, the goat is one of the national symbols of... Eddy! Are you even listening?" Eddy had halted suddenly in his tracks. Double-D waved his hand in front of him for attention, but instead, Eddy started in a fit of laughter.

"Hahahaha! Oh, man! Take a look at Lumpy over there!" Eddy grabbed Double-D's large chin and directed him to the cause of the humor. It was Ed, who was completely covered in toilet paper. "Raaaagh! I am a mummy! Give me your potato salad!" shouted the wrapped Ed. Double-D was less than amused. "Ed! This is _not _what I meant when I told you to use the restroom!" There was a brief silence, and Ed finally replied with a simple question: "Pickle?" Double-D stared at him in astonishment. "Way to go, Ed!" said Eddy, "C'mon, monobrow, I got an idea!" Eddy grabbed Ed and they both ran off. As their laughter trailed off, Double-D sighed and rested his face on his palm. "I'm surrounded by idiots."

* * *

><p>"Faster, Ed, faster! Quick, before anyone sees!"<p>

"Roger that, Eddy!"

Ed continued to pound his head on the vending machine like a battering ram. The two Eds were attempting to try their luck on a helpless soda machine. Eddy formed a shield around Ed, making sure that no one can witness their mischievous deed. Then, after one final push, a banging noise was heard within the machine. A soda can dispensed itself with a thud.

"Boy, am I parched!" said Ed, picking up the drink.

Just before Ed could open it, he was shoved away by Eddy. The soda can was launched from his hand and landed into Eddy's. "Not so fast, birdbrains! I called dibs, remember?"

Little did the two Eds know was that there was a pair of eyes secretly watching them. The mysterious figure was hidden behind a column, and on his trenchcoat, he wore a police badge. He pulled a radio from his pocket and whispered into it, "Suspects sighted, over."

Eddy has his back to Ed, gulping down his drink. Suddenly, Ed noticed someone approaching them. "Hiya, Rolf!" he said, unaware of the man's true identity. Eddy did not turn around when he said to "Rolf", "Just fixing up my thirst, Rolfy boy."

The man did not say a word. With just a flick of a wrist and a flash, Ed and Eddy were suddenly handcuffed and knocked out. He whispered into his radio again, "Suspects are down."

* * *

><p>When Rolf returned to their departure gate, he saw not three, but only one Ed. Double-D sat on the end of a row of seats, looking worried and anxious. His eyes darted back-and-forth until they met Rolf.<p>

"Rolf! Thank goodness you're here!" exclaimed Double-D.

"Greetings, head-in-sock Ed-boy. Rolf has returned... But where are the two other delinquents that make up your trio?"

"That's what I wished to tell you about! Ed and Eddy have been absent for quite a long time. Who knows where they could be right now? Oh, I can imagine the trouble they are in!" By this time, Double-D was standing up and grabbing Rolf's fur coat like a madman. But when he realised this, he quickly let go and sheepishly said, "Oh, um, my apologies."

"Do not worry yourself. Come, Rolf has brought back delectables."

Rolf beckoned him to sit back down. Rolf sat on the end of an adjacent row of seats. Between the two rows was a small table. Rolf set down on it a sack. It unfolded immediately to reveal its contents. Whole fish, dried and crispy.

"The half-witted Ed-boy and the lack-of-chin Ed-boy miss out on Nana's cooking. Eat, as it is good for the hunger." Rolf handed Double-D a fish, though the latter struggled to carry it. He sniffed it. He tried to hold back his gagging.

"Why, thank you, um, Rolf. But I... must wash my hands first. Therefore, I cannot eat right now!"

"Very well, though Rolf must remind you to refrain from your modern go-go standards when in Rolf's country," Rolf scolded.

Double-D gently set the fish down on the table. But still, he was worried about the safety and whereabouts of his two friends. The two sat in silence, though it was made awkward from the sound of the crunching of fish bones. It seemed like an eternity until Double-D finally broke the silence.

"Pardon me, Rolf," asked Double-D, "But could you please excuse me? I have to go check on Ed and Eddy."

Rolf was in the middle of drinking a large goblet of an unknown liquid. It took him a few seconds to gulp it all down, and when he did, he let out a breath and wiped his mouth. Once again, it took him a few seconds to respond.

"Hmm. For what reason do you choose to seek your companions?"

"I need to ensure that they are safe, Rolf! It's my role to prevent them from getting themselves in trouble!" said Double-D, slightly exasperated.

"Why must you constantly put yourself at stress, sockheaded Ed-boy? There is no trouble here. Only until the Old Country is reached shall we worry about dangers."

Double-D sighed. But much to his surprise, a startling announcement was made on the airport intercom.

"Attention please," blared the speakers on the ceiling and walls. Being the attentive and obedient person he is, Double-D turned towards a nearby speaker to listen intently. "The following passengers are requested to the Currency Exchange stall for a pickup: Eddward and Rolf." Upon hearing their names, Double-D and Rolf looked at each other in confusion.

"A pickup?" inquired Rolf, "What is this pickup they speak of?"

"Why, I don't know either, Rolf. Oh dear, we should go and check."

* * *

><p>The two finally reached the Currency Exchange counter. It was empty, and a sign on it read "Closed". Rolf was not being very patient, however.<p>

"Son of a gun, they have made a Merry Andrew of Rolf!"

"Now, now, Rolf. There is no need to use, um, violent force. Perhaps they could be in the back?"

Indeed, there was a back door that had another sign that read, "If u r Rolf or Edward, enter thru this door." It was a quite unprofessional work and appeared to be hastily scribbled, not to mention the spelling. Double-D cringed at his violated name, but nonetheless, they both went inside.

They were greeted by a large group of police and airport security.

"There they are!" shouted the police captain at the front of the group. Turning to the boys, he glared at them and said, "You two are surrounded!"

Double-D had never been more scared in his life. Sure, he was constantly put into life-threatening situations due to backfired scams, but being detained by the law was the lowest for him.

"What is the meaning of this?" asked a confused, yet alarmed Rolf.

The captain grunted and unsheathed a sword attached to his belt. He pointed it at Rolf in an accusing manner. Double-D was now more puzzled than fearful.

"A s-s-s-sword?" the sockhead asked.

"Firearms would have been inappropriate for a K+ rating," replied the captain, "Now. You two are under arrest for driving an unregistered vehicle, driving past the speed limit, vandalism, assault, and worst of all, bringing animals to places where they shouldn't be."

There was a pause, giving Rolf some time into his thoughts. He finally spoke up. "Rolf refuses to be apprehended by the town guard! You have disrespected Rolf's ancestors, for they were village buffoons who often wandered into trouble with the law! Rolf and the sockheaded Ed-boy shall fight you to the death!"

"Fight? Death?! Oh my..." murmured Double-D before fainting.

The police captain laughed maniacally while stroking his goatee. He did not feel at all threatened by Rolf's hostile tone. He said to him, "You want to fight us? I don't think so! 'Cause if you do, then you'll have to say goodbye to your little friends!"

The captain stepped to the side to reveal what was behind him: Ed and Eddy, both handcuffed and tied to a single chair. A policeman was next to them, holding a mallet used to break crab shells. They were still conscious, and upon making eye contact with Rolf, Eddy nudged Ed and whispered to Ed, "Looks like the cavalry arrived, Lumpy. You know the plan, right?" Ed shook his head yes until Eddy headbutted him because he drew attention.

Yet still, Rolf was unfazed at the sight of the kidnapped Ed-boys. Without saying a word, he pulled out a silver flute and started to play on it. Ed immediately rocked his head to the tune, earning another headbutt from Eddy.

The police slowly approached Rolf, swords and axes raised. The police captain stared at Rolf menacingly, adjusting his sunglasses so that they shine off the light. When Double-D finally came to, he woke up at the wrong moment. Upon seeing the police march towards them, he fainted once more. All the while, Rolf still played the flute.

Just as they were only a few feet from Rolf, Wilfred came in crashing through the ceiling and landed between them.

Rolf put the flute back in his pocket and grinned. He cracked his knuckles, and that signalled Wilfred to go into a frenzy. Wilfred stomped the ground and foamed from his mouth. Seeing a lone half-eaten chocolate bar in the police captain's pocket, Wilfred began his attack! "Oof! Ow! Geez! I shouldn'ta eaten bacon this morning!" yelled out the captain.

While the cops were distracted, Eddy shouted to Ed, "NOW!" The police were unaware of Ed's tremendous strength and Eddy's quick planning. Ed broke free of the rope that tied them to the chair along with his handcuffs. He hoisted Eddy onto his back and ran back to Double-D, knocking down many cops in his path. Ed picked up Double-D and proudly stated, "Reunited once more!" Rolf had already joined in the fighting with Wilfred.

Eddy, still anxious, told Ed, "What're ya waiting for, numbskull? Let's hightail it!"

"But Eddy! We can't leave Rolf behind!"

But a voice from behind interrupted them. "No need. Rolf is already here." Ed turned around to see Rolf, who was completely unscathed from the brawl. Behind him were the bodies of many unconscious cops. Wilfred was at his side, snacking on a doughnut.

"Come, Ed-boys! The flight is almost here!" said Rolf, pointing to a clock on the nearby wall.

They all sprinted back to their gate, which was already accepting tickets in a queue. The boys were the last in line, and thankfully, they made it in the nick of time. The flight attendant said no word about the preteen boys with torn clothing and bruises, along with the unconscious one being carried on one's back.


End file.
